Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy toward others?

Do you struggle to control these emotions?

A man wearing a cheetah print shirt, saying

If so, you might benefit from learning how to manage your feelings of jealousy.

Jealousy is a natural human emotion, but it can damage your relationships and mental health when it starts to take over your thoughts and actions.

What are the causes of jealousy?

Jealousy can stem from a variety of factors, including:

  • Insecurity and low self-esteem, whichcan lead to feelings of inadequacy and the belief that others are superior

  • Past experiences, which also shape our emotions and perceptions, leading to the development of negative thought patterns and beliefs about the world

    A man in a gray jacket saying

    Understanding the various causes of jealousy is an important step in managing these feelings and moving forward in a healthy and positive way.

How can I manage my feelings of jealousy?

To help manage your jealousy, you can:

  1. Identify triggers and patterns 🔎

  2. Practice self-reflection 💭

  3. Challenge negative thoughts 🛡️

  4. Improve self-esteem and confidence 👍

  5. Develop healthy coping strategies ❤️

The words

1. Identify triggers and patterns

Identifying triggers and patterns in your behaviors involves examining your own actions and emotions to determine what causes you to feel jealous.

This can help you:

  • understand your own behavior

  • find ways to control it

Tom Hanks looking to the side, putting his fingers on his face, thinking and looking confused

For example, you may notice that you feel jealous when you see someone who you believe has more success or is more attractive than you. Recognizing this trigger can help you proactively manage your feelings and stop feeling jealous.

2. Practice self-reflection

Practicing self-reflection and self-compassion involves examining your own thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental manner.

a woman sitting in a coffee shop, looking up and thinking, then writing in her journal

It's important to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, rather than criticizing yourself for feeling jealous. This can help you gain a better understanding of your own thoughts and emotions and reduce feelings of shame or guilt.

3. Challenge negative thought patterns and beliefs

Jealousy often stems from negative beliefs and thoughts that we have about ourselves and others.

For example, you may believe that you will never be as successful or attractive as someone else.

Challenging these negative thoughts can help you reduce feelings of jealousy and increase self-confidence. This can involve questioning the evidence for these beliefs and finding alternative, more positive perspectives. Here are a few examples:

colorful sticky notes on a blue background, with positive statements and questions challenging the beliefs Click on the playbutton below to hear the examples read aloud:


A new person starts at your workplace. It seems your coworkers and manager like this person more than they like you. You start to feel jealous. What would be the most productive way to respond?

A. Compete with the new person and try to outdo them to show that you're better.

B. Practice self-reflection and question the evidence for your beliefs about the new person's popularity.

C. Spread rumors and try to tarnish the new person's reputation.


What would be the most productive way to respond?

4. Improve self-esteem and confidence through self-care

Improving your self-esteem and confidence can help you feel better about yourself and stop feeling jealous.

This can involve reminding yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, as well as practicing self-care such as eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep.

5. Develop healthy coping strategies

Finding healthy coping strategies can help you reduce feelings of jealousy and increase overall well-being.

This step involves finding healthy ways to cope with feelings of jealousy. This can include engaging in physical activity such as:

an illustrated woman sitting in the clouds meditating, with stars shining on her


A coworker is bragging about his brand new Tesla, a car you've been wanting for a while. You start to feel jealous and are having a difficult time focusing on your work. What is a healthy response?

A. Confront your coworker and express your jealousy to him.

B. Vent to a colleague about how unfair it is that your coworker has a Tesla.

C. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let go of the thoughts and feelings that are fueling your jealousy.

D. Try to distract yourself by checking social media or snacking.


What is a healthy response?

Take Action

Are you ready to take control of your feelings of jealousy and improve your relationships and life?

Leslie Knopes from Parks & Rec says,

With a bit of work, you might stop feeling jealous altogether!


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