This Byte has been authored by

Ena Devedzija

Do you have trouble:

  • saying yes when you really want to say NO?

  • expressing how you truly feel in the fear of being belittled or ridiculed by someone else?

  • speaking up for yourself in order to avoid conflict?

  • letting others borrow/take your things when deep down you don't want them to?

  • feeling guilty when you make time for yourself or put your self first for a change?

From a cartoon do you want to be the type of person who lets people walk all over them

Boundaries Defined

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you likely struggle to set boundaries with other people.

So what are boundaries?

  • An invisible divider that separates you from another person

  • "Rule book" or guideline that tells other people how they can treat you — what is acceptable and what is not

Firm boundaries can help establish how you expect others to treat you, and prevent you from being taken advantage of!

A woman saying,

Quiz

I'm a bad person if I say no to my friends and family.

So What Are These 6 Boundaries?

Intellectual Boundaries

  • Involve thoughts and ideas, including respect and willingness to hear and discuss ideas that may differ from your own

  • Having an awareness of which topics to discuss and with whom (i.e. what is appropriate in different settings)

    E.g., "I don't want to discuss my dating life."

    Andy from the Office saying,

Emotional Boundaries

  • Refer to feelings and emotions

  • Involve respecting and validating your own feelings, as well as those of others

E.g., "This is really difficult for me."

Material Boundaries

  • Items and possessions you own such as your car, clothes, phone, etc.

  • Deciding what you can and cannot share with different individuals

    E.g., "I'm sorry, you can't borrow my car."

A person saying,

More Boundaries!

Physical Boundaries

  • Your needs for personal space and comfort with physical touch

  • Letting others know when these boundaries are being crossed

E.g., "Please don't touch my leg."

Trump touching someone who does not want to be touched

Sexual Boundaries

  • A woman holding a sign that says, Includes consent, agreement, respect, privacy, understanding of preferences

  • Saying no to things you don't want to do

E.g., "I'm not ready to have sex tonight."

Time Boundaries

  • Understanding your own priorities

  • Ensuring you set enough time aside for yourself and the things you want to/have to do

E.g., "I can't come on Saturday."

A cat & dog sleeping on a bed, under the text,

Quiz

If your classmate takes your textbook without asking, what boundary are they violating?

Take Action

One man saying,

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