Primary and Secondary Emotions: What's The Difference?

Do you know how your emotions affect you?

Recognizing your emotions and learning to manage them is one of the most important skills you can have.

When we name our emotions, we can tame them.

And when we aren't aware of our emotions, they can control us.

There are two categories: primary and secondary emotions.

Primary emotions are how we react to events and situations.

Secondary emotions are reactions to how we feel.

• The body's first response that alerts you about your needs

• Comes on strongly

• Does not last very long

Eg., Feeling sad when someone breaks your trust

Primary emotions include: anger, fear, sadness, disgust, surprise, anticipation, trust and joy.

Secondary emotions are a learnt or ingrained way to deal with sensitive emotions by numbing them with a less sensitive emotion. For instance, hate is less sensitive than fear. Secondary emotions are all about self-preservation, but over time, they often cause us much more harm by destroying relationships, maintaining our guard, or walling off our hearts, which frequently leaves people feeling irate, numb, worn out, and lonely. In this section, you will discover what secondary emotions are, how to recognize them, and what to do in their place. By doing so, you will be better able to deal with anxiety, despair, and improve your ability to feel.

Secondary emotions in brief:

• Reactions to our primary emotions

• Involves emotions that can be hard to understand

• Can last for much longer than primary emotions

Eg., Feeling shame about being sad.

These are learned emotions that we pick-up in childhood from the people around us, like guilt, shame, confusion, resentment, frustration, and remorse.

How do we know if we are experiencing a primary vs secondary emotions?

Consider this example.

• Jeff turns around to see his 5 year old son, Max, running into the street.

• Jeff feels a sense of fear and panic.

• Jeff starts yelling angrily until Max starts crying.

In this scenario:

• The primary emotion is fear.

• The secondary emotion is anger.

• If Jeff had been aware of his emotions, he could have controlled his anger and responded more appropriately to his young son.

The next time that you feel a strong emotional reaction and it doesn't go away quickly, pay close attention.

Ask yourself: Is what I'm feeling a reaction to this situation?