You've made the difficult decision to break up with your partner.
Now you've got to figure out how to actually do it. A little planning will make sure you minimize the pain for both you and your partner.
Hint: don't do this ⬇️
Make Sure You're Sure
This probably goes without saying, but don't break up with someone in the heat of a fight. At the very least, make sure you take time to sleep on it.
There's no undo button on a breakup.
If you become an on-again, off-again couple because you didn't sit with your feelings, you'll cause your partner more pain and become "that couple" that everyone is sick of hearing about.
How Serious Was The Relationship?
Breaking up with someone you dated for 5 years is different than breaking up with someone you've dated for a few weeks
For short or more casual relationships: there's no need to offer a ton of detail on how you made your decision. Just make sure you're respectful - everyone deserves that, no matter the nature of your relationship.
For serious relationships: be prepared to answer questions about your decision. You might also have to talk through logistics if your lives were integrated (like living together, having the same friend group, or bills you paid together).
Pick The Right Place
The ideal setting is:
Somewhere you won't be interrupted. Getting interrupted by a server or someone you know is awkward for everyone. 😬
Somewhere you don't go regularly. Choosing your partner's favourite cafe or where you shared your first date is a no-no. This will probably be a painful experience and could ruin a place they love. ☕
Pretty casual. Choosing a fancy venue will send your partner a mixed message. 👠
Which of these would be an appropriate place to initiate a breakup?
At a nearby park
At your regular coffee shop
In the car on the way to a family BBQ
At the hotel on your vacation
Choose The Right Time
It's weird to think about scheduling a breakup, but to minimize the damage, it's key. Choose a time:
When you'll both be able to recover afterwards. Neither of you have to run to school, work, see family, or go to a party.
On a normal day. Cause who wants to be broken up with on their birthday or Christmas?
Plan Your Opening
You've picked a good spot and chosen your moment, but when the time comes all you can feel is the knot in your stomach.
Choose an opening sentence that is clear and gets to the point quickly so you can't chicken out.
Start with "I want to talk about something important" then...
We are fighting more than we're having fun, and I think it's best that we end things.
This is really hard for me to say, but I want to end things between us.
I care about you so much, but our relationship isn't healthy. I think we should break up.
Which of these phrases would be good as part of your opener?
I don't want to see each other anymore
I want more space
Are you happy in our relationship?
Take The Loss
Your partner may be angry at you. It's possible they'll even call you names or say they don't ever want to be friends.
Don't even try to defend yourself - you'll just get dragged back into a relationship argument.
Have An Exit Strategy
The person getting dumped might be considered the 'victim,' but breaking up with someone isn't easy either.
Have a plan to make sure you're taken care of too. Do you have:
Somewhere to go after the breakup? This is extra important if you lived with your partner.
Someone you can talk to? Make sure you have someone you're close with that you can vent to after (so you don't end up calling or messaging your partner).
Feeling a bit more prepared? Before you take the plunge...
This isn't an easy thing to do, but remember - it won't always feel like it does today. 🌞
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This Byte has been authored by
Rumie Director of Learning