When you told someone about a problem, were they mad?
We have all seen videos online of customers causing a scene or complaining. Being a classroom teacher, I often have had to give feedback to parents. Sometimes it has gone very well, other times it has not.
When a parent is known to be easily upset, it would be easy to say nothing and not add problems to a busy day. So why do I keep giving feedback to parents?
Feedback is essential because...
Nothing improves without change.
Small problems can become big problems.
People will be more upset if feedback is given long after the event.
Everyone has times in their personal and professional life when appropriately expressing their thoughts and ideas is necessary.
What is critical feedback?
The goal of critical feedback is to draw a person or group's attention to a mistake or a behavior that needs to be corrected. If giving feedback is part of your job, learn how to give it in a positive way and avoid some common mistakes.
Types of Critical Feedback
Critical feedback can be separated into four categories.
Constructive feedback: This is specific, and the goal is an improvement.
Example: "You need to communicate when you complete this step, so your coworker knows when they can start working on the project."
Punitive feedback: This style's goal is punishment, and it rarely offers any information on how to correct the problem.
Example: "This looks sloppy. Do it again."
Corrective feedback: This is the autocorrect of feedback. It's useful for small mistakes and improvements.
Example: "The time for the meeting mentioned in the email is an hour earlier."
Formative feedback: This is ongoing, and the focus is on providing support and guidance
Example: "Use this checklist. It will help you not forget this step next time."
Did you know?
Want to read more? Check out this article about the types and impacts of negative feedback.
What Makes People React Badly to Feedback?
The person thinks the feedback is untrue.
The person feels insulted or attacked.
The feedback goes against their personal beliefs or values.
They have negative past experiences with feedback.
The feedback brings up their insecurities and fears.
They have strong feelings about the topic (for example, a parent being told about their child's behavior).
What to do when feedback is taken badly?
Acknowledge the listener's feelings and ask open-ended questions.
Stop and schedule a follow-up meeting.
Stay calm and have several rehearsed phrases ready to give yourself time to calm down. (Examples are included at the end of this lesson.)
Document! Document! Document! Have an accurate personal account of what was said and done.
Repeat the end goal you are both working towards.
Ask for help. Find a neutral third party.
Quiz
The person you're giving feedback to during a meeting gets upset. They begin to raise their voice and insist other people are lying. What do you say?
Set the Mood
Successfully giving critical feedback starts with a good relationship.
When critical feedback comes from a person that someone has a positive relationship with, they're more willing to listen and accept criticism. Be sure to...
Communicate often and promptly.
Give positive feedback as well as negative. If everything said is negative, it could damage the relationship.
Acknowledge the person's improvement.
Offer supports such as checklists and visual aids when giving feedback
Consider if the feedback topic is sensitive and privacy is needed.
Consider when to give the feedback and the amount of time you'll need.
Do you need a meeting?
Sometimes the topics discussed will need more time or privacy. Think about times a formal meeting may be needed to give feedback.
Have a quick chat for...
Small mistakes
Quick reminders or updates
When you're coaching the person as they complete a task in real time
Have a formal meeting if...
You need to discuss repeat behavior or serious problems
You want privacy or it will take time
You expect a negative reaction
Quiz
A supervisor needs to give feedback to employees. Which should they make a meeting for? Select all that apply:
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Prepare for Your Meeting
Meetings are useful if you need more time and privacy for discussions. The agenda and people involved shouldn't be a surprise to the person. They will probably feel ambushed and defensive.
![Two people talking together during a meeting.](https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/learning-dev-89518.appspot.com/o/images%2F800%2F04bd13b0-cba4-11ef-a95b-c929f6c263ba.jpeg?alt=media&token=0db7cec4-caf4-4c9e-8711-8c5ccc6d3948)
Collect data, documentation, observations, and specific examples. You want to act as neutral and objective as possible.Keeping a record, like this document log I created, can be a helpful reference for a meeting.
Create a list of everything you wish to cover so nothing is missed.
Rehearse what you will say.
Find a private space at a convenient time and place for both of you.
Inform the individual of the meeting, the topic, and who will be present
What to Say & What Not to Say
Here is how I gave feedback to parents in my teaching job:
1. Start with a friendly welcome and a positive comment.
Example: "I'm glad we found a time to talk together. Your child has made big improvements in their reading. If we can help them improve in [a particular skill], they'll be able to read even better."
2. State the goal and stick with the goal.
Keep the discussion about the behavior or action, not the individual. Be prepared to provide any examples or other information. Explain why this is a problem.
Example: "I can see you've thought about this a lot. Do you have any ideas that we can use to help your child with [a particular skill]? I am concerned they'll fall behind if we don't do something now."
The more you say, the more chances to say the wrong thing. State it in simple factual terms.
If the person you're giving feedback to goes off-topic, scknowledge the issue but steer the conversation back.
Example: "I can see you thought a lot about ...., Why don't we come back to that at the end of this meeting/future date so we can give it the attention that it deserves."
3. Be realistic and arrange to follow up
Very few problems that need a meeting are solved in one meeting. Be prepared to invest time in fixing the problem. Schedule a follow-up meeting.
Quiz
What would be the best way to start to a meeting with critical feedback?
Ask and Listen
When you give feedback, your goal is improvement, not winning an argument.
Make sure you ask the person their thoughts and ideas. I have often started a conversation by saying I noticed something and asking them for information or advice.
Example: "Your assignments have always been on time, but the last three times, they were late. Is something happening I should know about?"
Example: "I know you have a lot of experience in this area. I have seen a problem with ... Do you have an idea what we could do?"
The problem is still communicated, but you are establishing a collaboration instead of a conflict.
Quiz
When giving feedback to someone, the person yells it is untrue in an angry voice. What should you say?
Did you know?
This personal story about a time that I gave feedback is a good example of the strategies I discussed.
Take Action
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