Mona and Jen have been friends since high school.

An image of two women hugging and posing for a picture. Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

They used to spend every day together — until Mona met Skylar. Sure, Mona and Jen still chat most days, but Mona has been spending much of her time hanging out with Skylar.

Jen misses her friend but isn't sure what to do about the situation. How can she respond without hurting her relationship with Mona?

Assess The Situation

Before Jen confronts Mona, she needs to assess the situation. Here are some questions to consider:

  • How long has this relationship been going on? New relationships are exciting. Friends often reconnect once the excitement has subsided.

  • What type of relationship is this? If the relationship isn't serious, your friend will be back sooner rather than later.

  • How much time is devoted to the relationship? If your friend still spends time with you, then maybe you're overreacting.

    An image of a woman looking out of a car window with headphones on Photo by Abigail on Unsplash

Evaluate Your Friendship

Jen also needs to evaluate her friendship with Mona.

  • Is this a strong friendship? Just because you don't spend every waking hour together doesn't mean you aren't good friends.

  • Has the friendship evolved? Friendships evolve over time. Maybe you catch up once a week instead of every day because life has become busy — and that works for both of you.

  • Is there room for another friend? Consider how spending time with your friend and their new partner could improve your friendship.

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Make A Decision

Jen needs to make a decision about moving forward.

  1. If your friendship is strong or the new relationship isn't serious, be patient. You may need to give your friend some space. They will be back.

  2. If you're unsure about your friendship, talk about it. Tell your friend you miss them. They may not realize how you feel.

  3. If you have other friends, seek them out. Consider spending time with other friends until your friend has more time.

    Scrabble tiles with the words: pause, breathe, ponder, choose, do. Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Quiz

Jen decides to talk to Mona about her feelings. How should she start the conversation?

Take Action

Jen wasn't sure how serious the new relationship was, so she decided to talk to her friend. She waited for a time when Mona was alone and shared her feelings.

Jen told Mona that she was happy about Mona's new relationship with Skylar but missed spending time together. Jen suggested they all hang out sometime, so she could get to know Skylar, too.

Mona didn't realize how Jen felt. They decided to have lunch together on Tuesdays — just the two of them — and the three of them would hang out together on Fridays.

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