How do I use my communication skills to resolve issues with my partner?

Do you often find misunderstandings in your romantic relationship?

How you communicate can make or break your connection with your partner.

Good communication is the key to understanding and resolving issues in any relationship. Relationship communication skills strategies can help you connect with your partner, solve problems, build trust, and feel closer to each other while avoiding misunderstandings.

Communication is how you and your partner share your thoughts, feelings, and needs. It's not just about talking but also about listening and understanding.

There are four types of communication:

Verbal Communication

• Using words to talk and share thoughts directly

• For example, discussing plans for the weekend

Non-Verbal Communication

• Using body language, facial expressions, and gestures

• For example, giving a hug or holding hands

Written Communication

• Expressing feelings and thoughts through writing

• For example, sending a sweet text message or leaving a note

Visual Communication

• Using images and visuals to convey messages

• For example, sharing a meaningful photo or drawing

Being mindful of how to communicate effectively in different ways can positively impact and strengthen relationships.

Photo by Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash

Here’s how each type of communication can lead to conflicts when things go wrong:

Verbal Communication Conflict

Hurtful words during arguments can cause lasting pain. For example, saying, “You never listen to me,” can make things worse. Criticizing a partner’s family or friends can also lead to bigger fights.

Non-Verbal Communication Conflict

Body language such as rolling your eyes or crossing your arms while someone talks can show you’re not interested or upset. This can make the other person feel ignored.

Written Communication Conflict

Misunderstood messages like a text saying, “I’m upset,” without more details might make the other person worry more than needed. Similarly, a brief, harsh email saying “Fix this now,” without context can feel aggressive.

Visual Communication Conflict

Sharing photos without asking first can break trust. Posting a private photo of your partner on social media without their permission can make them feel disrespected and betrayed.

Problem:Misunderstandings and Assumptions

Sometimes, you might think you know what your partner is feeling without asking them directly. For example, if they're quiet, you might assume they're upset when they're just tired or thinking about something else. These assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary arguments.

Solution:Ask Directly and Clearly

To avoid this, ask your partner directly about their thoughts and feelings. Clear communication helps prevent misunderstandings and keeps your relationship strong.

Problem: Lack of Active Listening

Listening isn't just about hearing words — it's about giving your partner your full attention and understanding their feelings.

Often, you might hear your partner's words but miss the deeper emotions behind them. For instance, your partner might talk about a tough day, but if you're not actively listening, you might miss how they're really feeling.

Solution: Be Present

To practice active listening, focus on being present in the moment. Look at your partner, nod to show you understand, and repeat back what they say to show you're listening and care about their feelings. This helps you connect better and avoid misunderstandings in your relationship.

Test Yourself

Imagine a couple, Pat and Alex. Alex posts a photo from their last vacation on social media, which includes Pat. Pat feels uncomfortable and asks Alex to take it down. How should Alex respond to demonstrate active listening and respect for Pat's feelings?

A. "I don't understand why you care so much, it's just a photo."

B. "I'll take it down, but I don't think it's a big deal."

C. "I didn't realize it bothered you. I'll take it down right away. Is there anything else I should be aware of?"

D. "You always overreact to everything. It's just a picture."

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. How you handle these conflicts can either strengthen or weaken your bond.

Here are some simple and effective relationship communication skills strategies to resolve conflicts:

• Use "I" statements: When discussing a problem, focus on your feelings and experiences and avoid blaming others. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try saying, "I feel unheard when I'm interrupted."

• Stay calm and respectful: Keep your tone calmand avoid shouting or name-calling to create a safe space for open communication. Take deep breaths if you feel upset.

• Show empathy: Acknowledge your partner's feelings. Phrases like, "I understand why you feel that way," can go a long way in making them feel heard and understood.

• Be honest and open: Share your true feelings with your partner. Honesty helps build trust and allows your partner to understand you better.

• Use clear language: Describe your feelings as clearly as possible. Instead of saying, "I'm fine," try, "I’m feeling overwhelmed because of work."

Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. Good communication plays a key role in building and maintaining trust.

Here are simple relationship communication skills tips to help build trust with your partner:

• Be honest: Always tell the truth, even when it's difficult. Honesty shows that you respect and value your partner.

• Be transparent: Share your thoughts, plans, and feelings openly. Transparency helps prevent misunderstandings and builds confidence in your relationship.

• Follow through: Keep your promises and commitments. If you say you’ll do something, make sure you do it. Reliability is crucial for trust.

• Admit mistakes: If you make a mistake, admit it and apologize. Owning up to your actions shows maturity and helps rebuild trust.

• Show consistency: Be consistent in your words and actions. Consistency helps your partner feel secure and know they can rely on you.

Trust-Building Scenario

Imagine another couple, Jamie and Casey. Jamie discovers that Casey has been secretly reading Jamie's personal journal, which contains private thoughts and feelings. This action has deeply hurt Jamie and broken their trust.

How can Jamie and Casey best resolve this issue and rebuild trust?

A. Jamie should confront Casey angrily, demanding an explanation, while Casey denies everything and shifts the blame to Jamie for keeping secrets.

B. Jamie should express their feelings calmly, explaining why the breach of trust hurt them, while Casey listens, apologizes sincerely, and commits to respecting Jamie's privacy in the future.

C. Jamie should give Casey the silent treatment until they apologize, while Casey waits for Jamie to move past it on their own.

D. Jamie should ignore the issue, hoping it will go away, while Casey avoids bringing it up and acts like nothing happened.

Now that you've learned these relationship communication skills strategies, it’s time to use them! Practice communicating openly and honestly with your partner or loved ones. Use "I" statements, listen actively, and show empathy. Applying these techniques can build trust, understanding, and respect in relationships.