You've spent all week anticipating your first date.

You chose a cozy coffee shop where your date can order their favorite drink. You ironed your favorite shirt or found the perfect pair of heels.

You know that this time, you will look into your date's eyes and feel that spark that lets you know this will be the first of many dates to come.

A young couple on a date. The woman is drinking from a straw and looks into the man's eyes. But instead of a spark, there's disappointment. Your date either complains about their ex or brags about their bobblehead collection of past presidents. Your vision of a future together crumbles.

And then they ask for a second date!

A muppet and a man is on a date. The muppet is talking nonstop, but the man is staring at the menu ignoring her.

You don't want to hurt your date's feelings, but you want to be clear.

How do you say "no" to a second date?

Don't Ghost!

A woman looking directing at the camera asking,

Ghosting is when you don't respond to your date in the hopes they will get the hint and disappear.

Use your words! Clear communication will give your date closure, and you won't have to pretend you moved to Mars.

Don't Say This

A woman putting her finger to her lips in a shushing gesture.

So you've decided not to ghost. How do you avoid the awkwardness that comes with saying no to a second date?

If you would like to be friends after dating, great! But don't say "Let's be friends" if you don't mean it. You want to be honest, but not long-winded.

You do not owe your date a long explanation. Don't criticize or argue.

Tips for what NOT to say: Don't say let's be friends, don't criticize or give feedback, don't get into a long back and forth

Do Communicate!

A young woman looking at the camera saying,

Respond to your date with a simple, short statement.

Sending a text is acceptable. Since you've only had one date, a long explanation is unnecessary.

A short statement such as, "I had a great time last night, but I don't feel a romantic connection" should be enough.

Tips for saying no: be polite, be clear, and be short and sweet.

Let's Practice

The day after a date, you receive the following text.

A text message. Someone is asking for a second date. You had a good time, but you are not interested in a second date. How should you respond?

A. Don't text back. You don't want to hurt their feelings, and they will get the hint.

B. Sounds great, but not tomorrow. Maybe some other time.

C. I had a good time last night, but I'm not interested in a second date. Take care!

D. Thanks, but no thanks. I can't date someone who thinks orange juice is better with pulp.

Quiz

Which response is best?

Take Action

A cute guy is asking someone for a date.

Remember:

Saying no to a second date creates the opportunity for you to say yes to a date you want!

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This Byte has been authored by

LR

Lonette Robertson

Veteran Teacher | Instructional Designer