How do I overcome feelings of guilt when my breastfeeding journey ends?

Having a baby is an exciting and life changing experience! There are so many decisions to consider, including how to feed your baby.

For some new parents, there may be a choice between breastfeeding and formula, while for other parents, formula may be the only option. 🍼

Others will breastfeed for a while, but will eventually need to wean their child.

Photo by Garrett Jackson on Unsplash

No matter the reason, a parent may feel sadness or guilt when they end their feeding journey.

There are many different reasons a parent may stop breastfeeding their child, even if they initially planned to continue for a longer period of time. For example:

A. Lexi is studying to become a paralegal. She breastfed her child for the first seven months and was hoping to make it to the first-year mark, but between school and her part-time job, it's been difficult to stick to that goal.

B. Isabella just graduated from college and welcomed the unexpected arrival of her son. Isabella knew she wanted to breastfeed her child. Unfortunately, she has insufficient glandular tissue and is unable to produce enough milk.

C. Sky suffered body image issues during pregnancy. Sky is aware of the benefits of chestfeeding, but the toll on their mental health has become too much.

It's normal to feel sad about the end of your breastfeeding journey.

Reasons parents may feel grief when they stop breastfeeding include:

• guilt that your child won't gain all the benefits of breastfeeding

• end of the bonding experience that breastfeeding provides

• hormonal changes

• realization that your baby is growing more independent

Take some time to acknowledge your loss. 

Allow yourself to feel your feelings. 

Consider how you'd treat a friend in a similar situation. You're worthy of as much love and empathy as you would grant another person.

Ways to practice self-compassion:

• Prioritize your health by feeding yourself nourishing foods

• Enjoy gentle movement such as talking a walk

• Write a letter to yourself about your feelings and experience

• Give yourself a heartfelt pep talk

• Try meditation or other mindfulness activities

Develop a mantra that validates the situation and offers hope.

I am making sure my child is fed. I am a good parent.

You're not alone. Other people have had experiences like yours. 

Share your experience with safe people such as your partner, close friends/family members, a therapist, or in a support group. 

Creatively express your loss through art, writing, or music, and share your creations with others, if you're comfortable.

Listen to similar stories. Find blog posts, books, podcasts, and articles.

Find social media accounts that support all types of feeding. Unfollow any accounts that make you feel "less than" because you're not breastfeeding.

Although feeling sad is normal, you should get help if you experience any of the following, as they could indicate postpartum depression:

• struggling to connect with your baby

• inability to care for yourself or your baby

• anxiety, panic attacks, or severe mood swings

• feelings of intense guilt or shame

• changes in sleep or appetite unrelated to your baby's schedule

• thoughts of self-harm or of harming your baby

There is no shame in asking for help when you need it, including the professional help of a licensed therapist. 

Ask family and friends to support you by providing meals, childcare, or help with errands. 

The end of breastfeeding may result in many emotions, but you don't have to process those feelings alone.