How I learned to fail successfully while pursuing my passions 🙌

It's late at night. You're in bed, eyes wide open, and your mind racing with anxious thoughts like:

• Why are you doing this? You don't even like [XYZ]!

• What if you invest all this effort and it leads nowhere?

Sound familiar? You're not alone!

It was only after years of countless hard failures that I finally understood that beating myself up to success would never work.

Seems pretty obvious, right?

Well, if you're like me and struggle with a harsh inner critic, let me offer some insight:

It's natural to question your path in life. No one's born knowing what they're meant to do, especially today when our brains are hit with so much information that it's easy to feel overwhelmed with life.

So, good news: you’re not crazy! You just need some help filtering information and weighing your options. Here’s how to do it...

Take a breather. Seek out a safe and peaceful environment to relax in. Make time just to be still and close your eyes for a bit.

When you’re ready, ask yourself: What did I enjoy doing or experiencing while growing up?

Be HONEST. Remember that feeling while playing with toys, watching your favorite cartoons, or going on field trips?

No matter if it's "cringy" or may seem childish today. What matters is that you wanted to do that thing like there was no tomorrow because you loved it — or missed out on it.

Jot down your childhood interests as well as your current interests. The goal is to gather raw data to use in later steps.

I remember telling my therapist once that I had zero passions, and then he asked, "If your inner child didn't have to worry about failure or rejection, what would he rather be doing?"

I looked this man dead in the eye and said, "Building castles in Minecraft." He chuckled and said, "There you go, keep pulling on that thread because now we're getting to the real you."

Next, let's see what matters most to you — your core values. Feeling stuck? Check out this list of example value words. Pick up to ten words or ideas that resonate with you deeply — those that make you say, "These are essential to my well-being," and jot those down.

It’s easy to think that passion = success, but the truth is that failure is an important part of that equation — or put another way I've heard, "There's beauty in the struggle."

Honing in on your values gives you purpose for turning past and future failures into a foundation for your passions.

After leaving my second full-time job, I learned that the stronger your values are, the longer you can see the beauty of your struggles as you build your passions.

Knowledge Check

Sarah is a 30-year-old nurse who values compassion and always puts her patients' needs first. She is offered a promotion to be a manager of her hospital. However, she discovers that the new role would require her to cut costs, which could lead to reduced patient care and staff layoffs.

Which decision would best help Sarah pursue her passion without compromising her core value of compassion?

A. Accept the promotion and try to improve care from a higher position later on.

B. Decline the promotion and speak out against the cost-cutting measures.

C. Accept the promotion but advocate for better patient care within the new role.

D. Decline the promotion and continue providing direct care to patients.

Now it's time to see what you're good at — your core strengths. These ultimately come from you, but you'll need some help revealing them.

It's very common for people to have biased judgments about their own abilities. You need tohave other forms of input to be accurate.

To make sure you can avoid this issue:

• Ask friends and family what they believe your natural strengths are.

• Challenge yourself with difficult tasks and get feedback.

• Use credible self-assessment tools such as the free VIA Character Strengths Assessment.

So you've got a grasp on your core interests, values, and strengths. Now it's time to combine them like ingredients for a 5-star dish (your potential passions).

Here's what to do:

1. Create a Venn Diagram with 3 overlapping circles, as seen below.

Image created by the author using Canva

2. Label and fill in each outer side of the circles with your data, as seen below.

Image created by the author using Canva

Note: your chart may look very different. Whether on paper or digital, having more or less core traits than shown here — just make sure it represents you as much as possible.

Moment of truth...

Try new interesting ideas, hobbies, or even jobs that could fit inside the overlapping areas. Google, AI, or career counseling are all great ways to help you refine your search.

For example:

Q: What hobby combines storytelling, artfulness, and empathy?

A: Writing comic books.

Anything that fits right in the middle means you've got a good shot at building a real passion there!

Phew! That was a lot, huh? No worries.Reflection and meditation are like any other skill that gets better with time and practice.

Do

• Be vulnerable with yourself.

• Trust others to help you in this process.

• Be open to new ideas and feelings that may come up.

Don't

• Rush any of your answers. You can always put a pin in it and come back to it later.

• Be judgmental toward yourself. This will only block your progress.

• Mold your answers to fit other people’s expectations. What matters is how you view yourself.

• Quit your potential passions just because you're not already good at them or feel anything special at the start. Failure does NOT reflect your ultimate potential!