Are you judgmental about other people's actions?

Do you have a hard time keeping your judgments to yourself?

Man talking and saying I'm not judging but I am judging.

How do you listen to and support someone without becoming judgmental?

Step 1 — Recognize Your Judgmental Thoughts

Bernie Sanders talking and saying Today I am once again asking for you to be less judgmental

You might be judgmental if you:

  • Jump to negative moral conclusions about others.

  • Have a moral rating system that is skewed in your own favor (you believe the worst in others but the best in yourself).

  • Move very quickly from thinking, "This action is morally wrong," to "This person is morally corrupt."

  • Decide that what someone did was wrong even when you don't know much about the context of a person's behavior.

Step 2 — Overcome Judgment Using DUAL

DDon’t pass judgment but just observe what's happening.

UUnderstand by putting yourself in their shoes.

A Accept that person for who they are, without trying to change them.

LLove them or try to love them, even if you don’t know them.

Animal in a bathtub with a rubber duck saying I'm trying my very best.

Scenario

You see someone cut in line at the grocery store. You begin to have judgmental thoughts about them and start to get angry.

You think:

  • Could there be a reason for their unusual behavior?

  • Have I ever done this myself? I remember once I did the same thing because I was late for a job interview.

  • How did I feel at that moment? I felt stressed and embarrassed about my behavior.

Quiz

What are some non-judgmental thoughts you can have about the situation?

Step 3 — Manage Your Judgmental Side

Small dog barking and saying i'm here for you.

Judging strangers is one thing, but what do you do when you find yourself judging people close to you?

Think:

  • Am I putting my expectations for myself onto this person?

  • Have I had a similar experience? How did I feel?

Act:

  • Identify boundaries that you need to set with this person. Open a dialogue about this.

  • Tell them, "I really want to be here to support you right now, but I just don’t have the bandwidth to show up for you in the way that you deserve" and discuss other coping mechanisms.

Scenario

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Your friend is telling you about her weight loss struggles, but you're tired of hearing about it.

It's a discussion you keep having and you don't think you can help your friend anymore, but you still want to be supportive.

Do

  • Be a safe space for them and listen

  • Let the other person vent

  • Practice empathy

  • Help them name their feelings

  • Let them know they're important to you

Don’t

  • Cut off the person when they're talking

  • Tell them to get over it

  • Make them feel guilty about their feelings

  • Make the conversation about you

Quiz

What should you tell them?

Take Action

A Facebook status update that says: Me, marked safe from judgmental thoughts today

How to be less judgmental of others :

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This Byte has been authored by

MH

Mary Hoftiezer

Instructional Designer