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Have you ever run away and hidden from a failure, or something you weren't proud of?
The truth is we’ve all experienced shame.
Feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness can be overwhelming and paralyzing.
However, you can channel negative feelings of shameinto self-improvement!
Did you know?
Feel It
Shame does not feel good. We tend to bury shameful moments so we don’t need to face them.
Some of us even resist leaving our comfort zone and being vulnerable to avoid that at all costs.
Allow yourself to feel shame in order to overcome it!
This will enable you to engage in a successful action plan to move forward.
Understand It
Guilt and shame are sometimes used interchangeably, but there is a difference.
Shame:
Guilt:
Making this important distinction will help you make changes in the right direction. Ask yourself:
Why am I feeling this way?
What was the trigger situation?
Why did I behave like that?
Should I actually be ashamed? Or am I experiencing guilt?
Test Your Knowledge
Thomas was selected to set up and present his group project at a science fair in front of the entire school, friends, and family.
However, due to some electrical issues caused by incorrect installation, the prototype collapsed, and he couldn't finish the presentation.
He is devastated.
Quiz
Which statement might Thomas say if he was feeling ashamed?
This statement focuses on negative self-worth, a feeling that Thomas is a bad person. The other statements focus on the mistake which would indicate guilt instead of shame.
Repair It
Mistakes happen but they don't define you!
Recognize the mistake and repair the damage. This could be an apology or helping to fix the mistake.
Taking action to repair damage will minimize feelings of shame.
Quiz
Julia is ashamed of herself because she forgot her wedding anniversary and went to a pub with colleagues after work, while her husband was waiting to surprise her with dinner. What can Julia do to repair her mistake?
To overcome this situation, Julia must acknowledge it, apologize for the misunderstanding, and make amends. Lying, blaming, or avoiding a conflict will only increase her feelings of shame and hurt her husband.
Forgive It
You may still feel shame after taking action or apologizing. If that's the case, show yourself compassion.
You've started the work to recognize, analyze, and repair your mistakes.
Quiz
Julia confronted her husband right away by admitting she forgot the date and said sorry. But she's still experiencing shame. What could Julia do to forgive herself?
Forgetting a wedding anniversary is not a pleasant situation, but it can happen to any couple. The best attitude here is to acknowledge the mistake and define strategies to avoid it happen again. There's no need for self-punishment.
Grow From It
Some things in life can be hard, but there is always room for change and improvement.
You set yourself up for success by acknowledging your actions and deciding to behave differently.
Take Action
Do you feel ashamed of something in your life?
This Byte has been authored by
Camila Beltrame
Lifelong learner | L&D Professional
This Byte has been reviewed by
Lana Do
MD, MPH, BCMAS