How I learned to deal with disappointment

Have you ever really wanted something and been absolutely gutted when you didn't get it? Man whose smile slowly fades into a sad expression

You're not alone. Everyone experiences disappointment at some point in their lives.

Although it's something you can't avoid, I've learned a few strategies to help lessen the blow that can help you, too!

A Helpful Story...

Whenever I feel particularly disappointed, I remember the Parable of the Chinese Farmer.

Each day, something happens where his neighbors declare he's had such good luck or such bad fortune. His reply is always maybe yes, maybe no.

When his horse runs away, instead of being disappointed, he waits. The next day, his horse returns with seven more.

A black and white image of horses running through shallow water.

It's human nature to label things that happen to you as good or bad, but these experiences often trigger unexpected series of events that have unforeseen outcomes.

Changing Your Perspective

When I was passed up for my dream job in college and had to move across campus, away from all my friends to take a backup job, I was devastated.

Looking back, I realize all I needed was a shift in perspective.

Not only did I learn and grow in that job I "didn't want," I also met my husband!

Disappointment is unavoidable, but instead of focusing on how unlucky you are, notice your disappointment (it's totally normal!), then think of ways this might actually be for the better.

A monkey sitting on a rock in a forest with a hand to its chin, as if in thought

Did you know?

Stephen King's novel Carrie was rejected dozens of times before he was able to sell it to a publisher for only $2,500. Now, his book has been turned into a classic horror movie that made over 33 million dollars!

Be Patient with Yourself!

Shifting your perspective isn't always easy. So what can you do to help you get there?

Photo of a notebook, open to a blank page, with a pencil on top

Try journaling. Take time to reflect on how exactly you feel and why.
Reflect on your decisions. If there is something you could have done differently, make note of it so you can improve next time.
Understand your limitations. Not everything is within your control and that's okay! Practice accepting what you can't change.

Quiz

You're feeling disappointed and upset when your friend cancels on your dinner plans for the second time this week. How can you effectively deal with this disappointment? Select all that apply.

Choose not to make plans with them again

Know you can't control their actions

Make new plans with your extra free time

Take a moment let yourself feel sad

Take Action

A woman says, 'It's not always going to be like this.'

Try these things to deal with disappointment:

Think of a time when you got something you thought you wanted but it didn't turn out to be the best fit for you.

Reflect on a time when you felt disappointed but it actually worked out for the better!

Share your thoughts on these events with a friend or in a journal.

Check out more Bytes on topics like building self esteem after failure and adopting a learning mindset.