Loving without limits? Here’s how to love unconditionally in a healthy way 💞

Saturday evening, 7pm.

It’s your third anniversary, and your partner’s ecstatic with the date you’ve thoughtfully prepared.

However, your partner sheepishly says, “Oh man, I was so busy I forgot to get you a gift.”

Your heart sinks: you’ve always put in the work in every anniversary. While you love earnestly, the lack of reciprocity is starting to wear you down. 😞

Photo by Tomáš Vydržal on Unsplash

It’s only natural to want to share your love freely and unconditionally in a relationship. But how can we also ensure we’re protecting our needs and emotions, too? 

Here are some guidelines for loving unconditionally and healthily.  

Who doesn’t want to give it their all when it comes to a relationship? But if only one person is generally putting in effort, this may lead to problems like needs not being met and burnout. 😐

So what can you do to ensure unconditional love is fair for everyone?

• Communicate an open, honest discussion using “I feel” statements,e.g., "I feel forgotten when you can make plans for your friends, but make no time for me."

• Be clear and agree upon expectations. Follow through with them, e.g., agreeing and committing to a weekly Wednesday date night.

• Practice gratitude in your relationship to strengthen your bond, e.g., "I really appreciate you being my listening ear, so thank you. It means a lot."

Remember, unconditional love also means making sure you feel and receive love too.

It’s your weekly date night with your partner, and you’re preparing for the evening. It’s dawned on you that your partner’s primarily been scheduling all your dates for the past month. You’ve been busy, but acknowledge it still wasn’t alright. You feel guilty at the thought. What should you do?

A. Continue getting ready for the evening and make a mental note to address the concern another time.

B. Decide to change tonight's evening plans to make up for it.

C. Show gratitude to your partner at the dinner, and promise to take the reins on planning for upcoming dates. 

D. Push the thoughts aside completely.

Boundaries can be a healthy thing to have in a relationship! They uphold what’s important to you so that you feel safe, respected, and happy. They help maintain who you are. 🥰

Remember, unconditional love also means making space for yourself, too.

So how can you enforce boundaries?

Do's

• Be clear and firm when discussing realistic boundaries.

• Follow through with a consequence when your partner crosses your boundary.

• Prioritize and protect your time and well-being.

Don'ts

• Be afraid to say “no.” 

• Get defensive or argumentative when confronted with. Give yourself a moment to breathe before engaging. 

• Forget why boundaries are needed. Maintain your boundaries and communicate if they change.

Unconditional love doesn’t mean ignoring or turning a blind eye to ongoing relationship issues. No relationship is without faults or mistakes, but we must hold ourselves accountable. ☝️

The good news is that tackling relationship problems doesn’t have to be difficult! Here’s how:

• Address and focus on the issue as quickly as possible. Don’t let resentment build up.

• Adopt the “us vs the problem” mentality instead of a “winning” mentality.  

• Listen to each other and converse calmly to find a solution to the problem.

Remember, unconditional love also means feeling happy and safe in your relationship, too.

You just maintained a boundary and your partner is upset you said “no” to them.

"You're not being fair, it's like you're punishing me," your partner says. "It seriously isn't that big of a deal!"

You’re frustrated.

You know it’s important to continue the conversation, but your partner isn’t exactly listening. What should you do? 

A. Appease your partner and give in to their demand. 

B. Maintain your boundary, and highlight how their statements made you feel. 

C. Acknowledge the necessity of space for both of you to calm down.

D. Defend yourself and fire back at your partner. 

Unconditional love can be very rewarding and beneficial for a relationship, but loving unconditionally and healthily will only strengthen your connection! 💓

Keep working on your healthy connection with these steps: