This logo isn't an ad or affiliate link. It's an organization that shares in our mission, and empowered the authors to share their insights in Byte form.
Rumie vets Bytes for compliance with our
Standards.
The organization is responsible for the completeness and reliability of the content.
Learn more
about how Rumie works with partners.
Mona and Jen have been friends since high school.
Photo by Omar Lopez on UnsplashThey used to spend every day together — until Mona met Skylar. Sure, Mona and Jen still chat most days, but Mona has been spending much of her time hanging out with Skylar.
Jen misses her friend but isn't sure what to do about the situation. How can she respond without hurting her relationship with Mona?
Assess The Situation
Before Jen confronts Mona, she needs to assess the situation. Here are some questions to consider:
How long has this relationship been going on? New relationships are exciting. Friends often reconnect once the excitement has subsided.
What type of relationship is this? If the relationship isn't serious, your friend will be back sooner rather than later.
How much time is devoted to the relationship? If your friend still spends time with you, then maybe you're overreacting.
Photo by Abigail on Unsplash
Evaluate Your Friendship
Jen also needs to evaluate her friendship with Mona.
Is this a strong friendship? Just because you don't spend every waking hour together doesn't mean you aren't good friends.
Has the friendship evolved? Friendships evolve over time. Maybe you catch up once a week instead of every day because life has become busy — and that works for both of you.
Is there room for another friend? Consider how spending time with your friend and their new partner could improve your friendship.
Did you know?
Rumie is a nonprofit community dedicated to making innovative learning free for everyone.
Make A Decision
Jen needs to make a decision about moving forward.
If your friendship is strong or the new relationship isn't serious, be patient. You may need to give your friend some space. They will be back.
If you're unsure about your friendship, talk about it. Tell your friend you miss them. They may not realize how you feel.
If you have other friends, seek them out. Consider spending time with other friends until your friend has more time.
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Quiz
Jen decides to talk to Mona about her feelings. How should she start the conversation?
It's generally not a good idea to give your friend an ultimatum or talk negatively about your friend's partner because they may choose the partner over you, especially if they're upset about being forced to make a choice. Being a good friend includes being supportive of relationships — even if you're a little jealous. It's best to be honest with your friend while being positive and willing to make a compromise if necessary.
Take Action
Jen wasn't sure how serious the new relationship was, so she decided to talk to her friend. She waited for a time when Mona was alone and shared her feelings.
Jen told Mona that she was happy about Mona's new relationship with Skylar but missed spending time together. Jen suggested they all hang out sometime, so she could get to know Skylar, too.
Mona didn't realize how Jen felt. They decided to have lunch together on Tuesdays — just the two of them — and the three of them would hang out together on Fridays.
If you're facing a similar situation:
This Byte has been authored by
Jennifer Benaggoun
Learning Designer