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How many times have you heard a parent yell at their child?
"Get down here NOW!"
"Max is never late for school. Can't you be more like him?"
"How many times have I asked you to do this? Is your brain working properly?"
Photo by Zahra Amiri on UnsplashEvery parent wants their child to behave well and succeed.
But sometimes, even the most well-meaning parents may use unhealthy strategies that can harm their child.
Mindfully choosing healthy strategies can help your child's development and create stronger relationships in your family.
Healthy Discipline
Healthy discipline helps your child learn and grow, while still making them feel safe, secure, and loved.
Healthy discipline:
Has the goal of helping your child learn
Identifies issues with a behaviour, not the actual child
Helps your child understand why they should or shouldn't do something
Is consistent - there are clear expectations around rules and consequences
Quiz
What might healthy discipline lead to?
Healthy discipline builds trust with your child. When you are reliable, loving, and consistent in setting and enforcing boundaries, your child will feel secure.
Did you know?
Unhealthy Discipline
Unhealthy discipline may place blame on the child, making them feel bad or unworthy as a result. Even if it's unintentional, the child is still negatively impacted.
Unhealthy discipline:
Focuses on punishing, not teaching
Demonizes the child, not the behaviour
Transfers the parent's feelings (anger, frustration, insecurity) to the child
Meet Dina
Dina sees her son Omar climbing the fence to their neighbours yard. The neighbours have complained before. Dina has spoken to Omar about this before and he had agreed to stop.
Photo by Zahra Amiri on UnsplashDina takes a breath to calm herself before talking to Omar.
Quiz
What would be a healthy way for Dina to discipline Omar?
By staying calm, Dina can have a conversation with Omar that helps him learn. Dina can offer him a chance to explain what he is doing, ask him to recall why he shouldn't climb the fence, and even give him the opportunity to come up with a plan for what's next. Dina may also choose to punish Omar in some way (perhaps a break from playing in the yard), but as long as she stays calm and helps Omar understand WHY this is the case, this will be a healthy action plan.
Patterns Of Behaviour
Just like any other habit, the way you discipline your child will become a pattern.
Unhealthy discipline becomes a cycle. Your child may even start mimicking your behaviour. So if they're used to getting yelled at or called names, before long, they may start yelling back.
The same goes for healthy discipline. When rules are set and enforced consistently and calmly, children will know when they have broken them, and may take steps to correct their behaviour.
Take Action
What parts of your current disciplinary approach are healthy? What parts are unhealthy?
The next time your child acts out, take a moment before you respond.
Ask yourself: how can I respond in a healthy way?
This Byte has been authored by
Lisa Kale
MEL Educator at Skateistan South Africa
Ashwyne Dames
Educator and coach
Mohlomi Tsotsotso
Mohlomi TJ Tsotsotso
Wendy Ngwenya
Educator at Skateistan South Africa
Sibonginkosi Mncube
Skateboarding instructor