Can't decide if you're casual or committed? Use the "3-month rule" for dating 🗓️

"So what are we exactly?"

It's been almost 3 months with your partner. Even though you have strong feelings, you haven't defined the relationship yet.

You're not quite sure if you want to commit😐

It can get pretty confusing when you’re unsure if the relationship is worth continuing. How do you know you’re not potentially throwing something amazing away? 

Great news: the 3-month rule can help you with that decision!

The 3-month rule is a guide for new couples to help decide if they should make their relationship official after 3 months. 

Think of it as a trial period.

Likes, dislikes, hobbies, or common interests — maybe both of you have even introduced close loved ones to each other! Ideally after 3 months, you’ve spent ample time with your partner to know them enough and build a relationship of sorts. 

How do you decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship at this point? Follow these 3 guidelines of the 3-month rule to help you decide.

You and your partner want to make the relationship official.

This simple idea shows a deeper, shared, and mutual interest to be together. 💘

While the "what are we?" conversation with your partner can be scary, the good news is that it doesn't have to be hard! Here's how:

• Have an open conversation about the end goal of the relationship

• Discuss expectations and boundaries

• Engage in active listening

Don't forget, it's also important to be on the same page on other matters too, such as your communication styles for conflict resolution.

Remember, the 3-months rule is about seeing compatibility just as much chemistry.

It's Friday, 6:00pm. You're across from your partner on a date, and you two are enjoying the evening so far. The question comes up in the conversation.

"So... where do you see us going from here? I really like you, and want to continue seeing you. Would that be okay with you?"

Yes, you want to say, "yes." However, you want to take it slow due to past relationship scars. What should you do?

A. Agree excitedly. You can talk about the concerns later.

B. Laugh nervously and excuse yourself from the table.

C. Reciprocate their feelings, and slowly lead the conversation to honestly discussing needs and wants.

D. Smile and ask if you two can discuss the matter another time.

You're happy together.

Generally speaking, you're both happy in the relationship! 😄

Shouldn’t be too complicated, right? Well, when you’re interested in the person, sometimes it's easy to overlook or rationalize some red flags and turn-offs.

But what does it mean to be happy in a relationship? This can include:

• Knowing choices are being respected

• Knowing you’re being listened to

• Feeling appreciated 

• Feeling safe and comfortable to share

But how can I tell?

A principle of the 3-month rule is to check in with yourself and be honest about your feelings.

The 3 months together will ideally give you enough time to see if you like how your parter treats you. It will also give you a glimpse of what's to come if you two make it official.

Think and reflect on some of these questions to help you decide if you're with the right person:

• Am I happy with the time and effort we both place into the relationship?

• Am I happy with how we communicate? Do we resolve issues effectively and respectfully?

• Do I feel secure with this person? Can I fully trust them?

• Can I be myself around them comfortably? Am I still my own person outside of them?

You want to commit to each other.

Real talk: the excitement may wear off after 3 months and you might find yourself unsure if you want to continue seeing each other. After all, a genuine relationship requires work. 🛠️

You're in luck: a commitment check can start here! Reflect on these questions to see your relationship-readiness.

• Will I be willing to make time for my partner?

• Will I be faithful to my partner?

• Will I respect and follow their boundaries and expectations?

• Will I care for them?

Remember: attraction doesn't always equate to commitment. Be sure with yourself if you want to commit to your partner.

You're crushed. 

Your partner of two-and-a-half months has cancelled plans again for the the third time, and you’re feeling incredibly disappointed.

While the times together have felt great, you’re unsure if the constant conflicting schedules would make you feel happy in a more committed relationship. What do you do?

A. Slowly limit contact until you two stop talking.

B. Have an honest conversation about your feelings and the direction of the relationship.

C. Avoid bringing up the topic altogether.

D. Spend more time with them in hopes it'll change your mind.

You got this!

Thinking about the 3-month rule? Consider these tips for when you're getting to know someone: