Photo by chris liu on Unsplash"You fall in love like it’s your job,” Maya said, as Elise practiced her future signature on a napkin. Maya couldn’t actually remember the last time Elise was single. She always seemed to be in love — deeply, wholly, and completely — with one partner after another, ever since they met in high school psych class six years ago.
Can you relate? Are you Elise?
What is a Serial Monogamist?
Elise is a classic example of a serial monogamist.
A serial monogamist is someone who moves from one committed romantic relationship to the next, usually with little time in between.
Photo by Hush Naidoo Jade Photography on UnsplashSerial monogamists are people who fall in love hard, fast, and sincerely, like "hopeless romantics." And, no matter how many times they’ve starred in the same story, each new partner feels like the partner.
Sometimes, it looks like romance. Sometimes, it looks like a pattern.
Serial monogamy is:
A pattern of consecutive committed relationships. These relationships are typically exclusive, emotionally involved, and relatively serious.
Characterized by little to no "single time" between partners.
Driven by emotional intensity. Each new partner might feel like a soulmate
Sincere.
More common in young adults.
Likely to overlap with anxious attachment patterns. Not always — but serial monogamists often have a desire to feel "complete" through romantic relationships.
Serial monogamy is NOT:
Inherently toxic or manipulative. Serial monogamists usually believe in love —they’re not trying to use or deceive anyone.
The same as being polyamorous or having open relationships. Monogamy implies one relationship at a time, not multiple partners at once.
Not always obvious. Some people bounce between relationships respectfully, others do it dramatically.
Not always unhealthy. As long as you’re learning, growing, and making choices consciously, what may look like "serial monogamy" can just be a coincidental part of your natural relational rhythm.
Quiz
Which of the following characters might be showing signs of serial monogamy? Select all that apply:
Did you know?
Tom Hansen, the protagonist in 500 Days of Summer, is a peak serial monogamist. He idealizes love, falls hard, spirals post-breakup, and projects meaning onto every moment.
Recognize the Patterns
Serial monogamy isn’t really about the number of relationships: it’s about how you move between them.
Reflect on your past relationships. Do you find that you’ve fully processed your breakups before committing to someone new, or do you tend to get over your ex after finding your next partner?
That’s the key difference.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on UnsplashYou may be a serial monogamist IF:
You’re always in a relationship.
You process breakups while you are in a new relationship.
You jump straight into emotional commitments — no "talking" or "getting to know you" phase. You're ready to move in after a simple coffee date.
You idealize each new partner.
You don't understand the phrase “I just need space,” but you've heard it more than once.
You tend to "fall fast and hard."
But Remember: You Can Fall in Love More than Once
Just because you’ve had multiple relationships doesn’t mean you’re a serial monogamist — not even if they happened in sequence. The key question isn’t how many partners you’ve had, or even how long you stayed with them.
It’s about whether you gave yourself space to reflect, recalibrate, and grow before moving on.
That’s what counts.
Photo by freestocks on UnsplashQuiz
Which of these might describe what a serial monogamist do after a breakup? Select all that apply:
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So...what should you do if you think you're a serial monogamist?
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