What does it mean to be gender fluid?

Have you ever heard the saying, "gender is a spectrum"?

While many people feel as though they're at one fixed place along the spectrum, perhaps as a man, as a woman, or somewhere in between, others identify as gender fluid. They may relate to the gender spectrum differently! For instance, they may relate to being a man sometimes, and a woman other times.

What is the definition of gender fluid? How can you express your respect and understanding for your gender fluid friends, family, and community members?

When learning about someone's identity, it can help to have a good definition! The definition of gender fluid is a gender identity label often used by someone who feels that their gender identity changes and fluctuates between different gender identities over time.

What is gender identity?

Someone's gender identity is their internal experience and feeling of their own gender, such as feeling they're a man.

Everyone has a gender identity, whether they're transgender (someone who doesn't identify with their gender assigned at birth) or cisgender (someone who identifies with their gender assigned at birth).

Some gender identities you may have heard of are:

• Woman

• Man

• Nonbinary

Some people may feel that their gender identity is different from any of these or a combination of them.

Putting it together...

Someone who is gender fluid may at times feel that they're one gender identity, and other times another, and so on!

While many people feel that they experience one gender identity for most of their life, including those who are transgender and/or nonbinary, people who are gender fluid experience more than one gender identity.

Because gender identity is about how someone feels, this means that their internal experience of their gender identity changes from feeling that they're one gender to another.

Someone who is gender fluid may experience a change in their gender identity at any time frequency (eg. daily, on occasion, over years) or between any number of or combination of gender identities.

Vee

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Vee is gender fluid, and experiences the gender identities of being a woman, agender, and non-binary. Vee uses she/her pronouns most of the time, but frequently asks friends to use they/them pronouns instead to better match how they feel.

Vee works with a gender-affirming medical team to support her transition, including HRT (hormone replacement therapy). Vee enjoys expressing herself through colorful hair and tattoos.

Juan

Photo by Warren on Unsplash

Juan is gender fluid. Juan first realized he was gender fluid after trying drag for the first time, and experiencing a gender identity of woman for just under a year. During this time, Juan experienced gender euphoria from dressing in feminine clothing, wearing longer wigs, and using she/her pronouns.

Later, Juan felt comfortable again with the gender identity of man, just as much as he had felt before with woman. Juan is open to seeing how his gender identity may change again.

Because gender fluidity is widely unknown, there are some common misconceptions that prevent gender fluid people from being treated with respect and kindness.

Myth 1: Gender fluidity is the same as someone questioning their gender identity.

Fact: Someone who is questioning doesn't know what gender identity they experience. This is a valid experience, worthy of respect!

Someone who is gender fluid, rather, experiences a gender identity, then experiences a different gender identity. They don't change between gender identities because they're unsure about how they feel, but rather because how they feel changes.

• You should respect everyone's gender identity, even if it has changed from what someone told you previously.

Myth 2: Gender fluidity is just the same as a changing gender expression.

Fact: Regardless of what gender identity you are, you can express your gender however you wish, whether that's masculine, feminine, androgynous, somewhere outside of, in-between, or beyond!

Someone who is gender fluid may adjust their gender expression to better fit their gender identity, such as with different hair, makeup, pronouns, behavior, names, etc, but they possibly won't and do not have to.

• Be patient, respectful, and open-minded as people explore and represent their gender identity through gender expression. For instance, support people who may transition medically, as well, to better match their gender expression to their gender identity.

• But, if someone doesn't change their gender expression, or it doesn't match your expectations of masculine, feminine, androgyny, etc, you should still respect their gender identity!

Myth 3: Gender fluidity is too complicated to respect.

Fact: Even though someone who is gender fluid may experience gender identity differently from you, it is still important to respect it!

• Take time to understand the basics of gender identity, practice someone's different pronouns and/or name independently, and listen to what people share with you about who they are.

• If you have questions about someone's gender, ask yourself if you would feel comfortable answering about yourself! For instance, you'd probably be uncomfortable if someone asked about your genitals!

Whether you've met someone who is gender fluid or not, by taking the time to better understand the definition of gender fluid, you'll have more awareness of the diversity of human gender and be conscious of how someone's gender identity may fluctuate over time.