What are signs of gaslighting in relationships?

Jamie tells their partner, “Hey, it really hurt me when you yelled last night.”

Their partner replies: “I didn’t yell. You’re imagining things again. You exaggerate everything.”

Jamie starts to wonder: Did it really happen? Am I overreacting? Why can’t I trust my own memory?

This is what gaslighting in relationships often feels like: confusion, self-doubt, and anxiety.

Unlike a normal disagreement (where different perspectives are discussed), gaslighting happens when your perspective is dismissed or denied and you’re made to question your own reality.

Understanding these moments is the first step toward recognizing gaslighting when it happens.

Gaslighting in relationships is a form of emotional manipulation where someone makes you question your memory, feelings, or sense of reality. It usually happens slowly: small comments, small doubts, until you start trusting their version of events more than your own.

People who gaslight in relationships often want to:

• Avoid responsibility for their actions.

• Gain control in the relationship.

• Make you depend on them for “what’s true.”

Over time, gaslighting can affect your confidence, mood, and ability to make decisions. You may find yourself thinking:

• “Maybe I’m wrong.”

• “Maybe I’m overreacting.”

• “Maybe it is my fault.”

But those thoughts often come from the manipulation, not from you.

People who gaslight in relationships often start small. By the time it becomes obvious, you may already doubt your own judgment, which is exactly what the gaslighter wants.

They deny things you clearly remember.

Even when the event is obvious, they insist:

• “It never happened.”

• “You’re remembering wrong.”

You start second-guessing yourself.

They blame you for their behavior.

If they hurt you, they flip the story so you look like the cause.

You end up apologizing for things that weren’t your fault.

They dismiss your feelings.

They call you:

• “too sensitive”

• “dramatic”

• “crazy”

Your emotions feel invalid or embarrassing.

They rewrite events.

One day they say one thing, the next day they swear they said something else.

You begin to rely on their version of what happened instead of your own.

These are emotional warning signs.

Photo by Se. Tsuchiya on Unsplash

Example of Gaslighting in Relationships

Maya tells her friend, “It upset me when you shared my secret.”

Her friend responds, “I never said anything. You’re remembering it wrong. You always make a big deal out of nothing.”

Maya begins to doubt herself and wonders if she imagined the whole thing, even though she clearly remembers telling them in confidence.

When someone denies clear events or dismisses your feelings, you can ground yourself by:

• Trusting your own experience. Your feelings and memory matter.

• Repeating the facts calmly. “I remember it differently, and it hurt me.”

• Setting a boundary. You deserve to be spoken to respectfully.

• Reaching out to someone you trust for clarity and support.

• Keeping notes if this pattern happens often.

Remember: Gaslighting is meant to confuse you. Your best tool is staying connected to your own reality.

Quiz: What Would You Do?

You tell your partner, “I felt ignored when you walked away in the middle of our conversation.”

They respond: “You’re being dramatic. I didn’t walk away — you’re remembering it wrong.”

You pause. You know they walked away. But now you’re doubting yourself again.

What should you do next?

A. Apologize for bringing it up.

B. Drop it and pretend it didn’t happen.

C. Tell them you remember it clearly and won't accept their version.

D. Ask them to explain why you “remember wrong.”

You’re not imagining it — your feelings are real.

Now that you know the signs, you’re better prepared to protect your emotional well-being.