How do I cope with a partner who's showing signs of narcissistic collapse?

Sophie has been dating Ali for 2 years.

Over the past three months, Sophie has been doing really well at work and has gotten a promotion. Ali, on the other hand, has been struggling at his job and appears to resent Sophie's recent success.

One day, Sophie asks Ali if he would like to go out for a meal later that day. He explodes and accuses her of not having enough time for him recently due to her "little promotion".

Ali's always needed to be the center of attention and a little narcissistic at times. Could he be having a narcissistic collapse? How should Sophie cope with her partner's behavior?

Narcissism is a term that describes when a person has "too much interest or admiration for their physical appearance or abilities," often at the expense of others.

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For some people, narcissism might actually come from a condition called narcissistic personality disorder. They might show common signs in their behavoir:

• May become angry if not given special treatment

• Exaggerate their abilities

• Extreme jealousy and sensitivity

• Have trouble maintaining healthy relationships

When someone who has narcissistic traits encounters something that damages their self-esteem or ego, they can go into "narcissistic collapse". They feel like their perfect image has been shattered, and they'll feel exposed or rejected.

It's difficult for them to cope with the intense shame or fear these feelings create — almost like their emotional armor has been broken.

When someone with a narcissistic personality feels threatened, they might:

• Lash out at people

• Become silent or distant

• Show extreme panic

• Act like a victim

• Try to gain control by manipulating or making demands

What Sophie doesn't realize is that Ali is likely experiencing narcissistic collapse. His image of himself is failing:

• He’s no longer the “golden boy” at work.

• He feels less special because of Sophie's recent success at work.

• His moods swing between projecting blame on Sophieand self-pity.

• He is using emotional manipulation, as his usual charm isn't working.

Sophie thinks he's acting this way due to stress and burnout, but doesn't recognize the patterns of narcissistic collapse. For Ali, these experiences create high levels of emotional pain and a need to regain control. This might not be a personal choice if Ali has a mental condition like narcissistic personality disorder.

When someone is in narcissistic collapse, they may lash out, guilt-trip, withdraw, or swing between rage and despair.

You should try to:

• Prioritize your emotional health. Their collapse is about their identity and self-image breaking down, not because of you.

• Observe patterns. Keep track (mentally or in a journal) of their words and actions. This will help you step back from the emotional fog.

• Stay calm and don’t engage in escalating arguments.

• Set clear boundaries by using "I" statements. For example: “I want to support you, but I can’t allow yelling or name-calling.”

• Ask for help from a trusted friend or therapist.

• Don’t take the blame for their collapse.

• Walk away if the situation becomes abusive.

Sophie notices Ali has been silent, moody, and is quick to anger. He’s not talking about what’s wrong, but he criticizes her often. She's been trying to WhatsApp him all day, but she's had no response.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

When Sophie gets home, she asks Ali if they can talk, but he tells her there is nothing to say and to leave him alone.

She tries to apologize by saying she didn't mean to upset him. He replies, “Of course you didn’t. It’s always me who’s too sensitive, right?!”

Coping with a narcissistic partner isn't easy.

Remember that you'll get through this with a plan and support from those who care about you!

Be ready to cope with narcisstic collapse: